Drivin 'em crazy Department: Rx Author: Kevin Newman Era: 1985 Date: 02/25/05 Among my short list of talents is my ability to throw my voice, no one was aware of my "talent" even though I had used it covertly on some occasions for a few laughs. One time in particular RM Div had a mandatory training session called by a new LTJG that had just reported on board a few months earlier (I don't even remember his name). Everyone not actually on watch (including the kahki klad kocksuckers) was required to be there. So about 5 minutes into the JG's lecture I started making "cricket" sounds in the classroom and no one could tell where they were coming from, even the guy next to me. I could tell I was getting to him because every time he heard the cricket his face would get redder. Everyone in the room was looking for the damn thing "even me". He finally threw up his hands and stormed out of the room, and one of the chiefs (not sure which one) says, "I guess training is over." Someone found the JG about 10 minutes later in the Rx Office crying his eyes out.

Navy jargon Department: Rx Author: Mike Matthys Era: 1991 Date: 02/28/05 We had a couple of guys on Ike that hated the Navy (and Ike) so much that they refused to use any "Navy jargon" at all. They would not even say "Ike bites" as "Ike" was a term of affection for the ship. One of the guys was trying to figure out what to say instead of "Ike Bites" when I suggested to him "Dwight Bites." It seemed obvious to me, but you would have thought I had given him a million dollars-- he was ecstatic!

Navy jargon, continued Department: Rx Author: Mike Matthys Era: 1991 Date: 02/28/05 The same guys who would not say "Ike" came up with other names for the various watch stations, as they hated the names already in use. They made up new names by literally translating the name of the watch station. For example: Chief Reactor Watch became "Main Time Keeper of the Atomic Pile" Reactor Operator -- "Manipulator of the Atomic Pile" Reactor Electrician -- Atomic Pile electrical guy." Fourth Deck watch -- (deck= Navy term) became "Fourth Floor Time Keeper."

The Sea Lawyer Department: Rx Author: Mike Matthys Era: 1991 Date: 02/28/05 We had a guy in RM division named Chuck that we called "the sea lawyer." This guy could talk his way out of anything and had an angle for any problem that you could come up with. For example, Chuck got popped on a piss test at prototype for drug use. His defense was that he ate the poppy seed bagels every morning from the cafeteria and that is what caused the positive test. His defense worked, because he ended up being a staff pick-up.

Ed the de-nuked LT Department: Rx Author: Mike Matthys Era: 1988 Date: 02/28/05 Some of you older guys might remember this LT named Ed -- I don't remember his last name, but he was there when I first got to the pig. This LT, Ed, got de-nuked for apparently getting caught sleeping off a hangover in the plant while he was supposed to be on watch. I also heard that he wanted all of the watchstanders to leave EOS so he could see what it looked like empty. Ed used to get drunk and come down to berthing wanting to wrestle someone. There were a couple of guys who loved to wrestle Ed and would fuck him up every chance they got. I watched him get body slammed a couple of times. Do any of you remember this guy? He was a light skinned black guy.

Choke a Chicken Department: Engr Author: Peter Era: 1980 Date: 02/28/05 When I first got on board, there was this guy in M div who had serious mental problems. He would pull his hair out in patches (which I've since learned is a common manifestation of mental illness) He would also walk around waving his hand in from of his mouth mumbling, "ah ah ah... choke a chicken". So my friend Will and I would greet each other that way - tugging at our hair with our left hand, waving our right hand in front of our mouth and saying, "ah ah ah... choke a chiken". Even after getting out of the navy - instead of saying hello into the phone - We'd say, "ah ah ah..." A nuke in M div was named "Smilin' Jack" since he always smiled. One day, "choke a chicken" came up and gave Jack a bear hug. Jack was pissed off for some reason and spit in his face. Wrong move - poor Jack ended up with a black eye. Honestly, this guy was not your run of the mill goofy sailor - he had Serious mental problems... Not sure why it took the USN so long to give him a medical discharge...

Food Department: Rx Author: Charlie Era: 1982 Date: 03/02/05 One of the worst memories of the Ike was the food. We had about 20 varieties of roast beef, but it was always like shoe leather no matter what they called it. Who can forget hot dogs and rice? The few occasions we had surf & turf (like when the inspectors came on board) were more than made up for with liver or Oriental surprise. Remember soul food night? They actually stunk up the whole ship cooking chitlins. But we made up for it inport. Mama Luigi in Naples could cook some great lasagna and served it with some of her homemade wine. Those fly encrusted souvlakis in Plaaka in Athens satisfied many a hunger pain. Israel also had great food. Not so in Egypt. I learned pretty quick not to eat at an Egyptian truck stop in the middle of the desert. The aftereffects ruined my planned Pyramid tour. Beach Pizza in Va Beach was also a major food source. I remember once Pete tipping the teenage delivery boy a can of Red, White & Blue, which he probably enjoyed much more than he would a dollar.

Ed Brady Department: Rx Author: Mike Greaney Era: 1988 Date: 03/02/05 Hey Mike, The LT's name was Ed Brady and he really was a hoot. He once took his shoes off and climbed from one throttle panel across the RPCP and to the other throttle panel without touching the floor. Once in Naples, he came over to our table as we were eating dinner and said hello and had a quick drink with about 4 of us. As we went to pay our bill we found out he had already covered it. Don't know why he did it but as a poor ET3 I was happy. Yes, I did six years in the Navy and got out an ET3 without ever having been to Mast. Damn Star Babies made it damn near impossible to make rate.

More Peter farting stories Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1983 Date: 03/02/05 I'm sorry that all my stories about Pete R. involve farting - but here's another one... Pete and Wags met up with some English gals when we were in Greece (I think it was Greece) - I don't remember if I witnessed this or he told me about - but Pete's girl was taking a nap with her head in his lap.. Pete nudged whomever it was next to him and said, "watch this" - He then laid the vilest fart that can only be generated from gyros, ouzo, and cheap Greek wine. As soon as the pungent aroma hit the poor lass's nostrils - she sat bolt upright, gasping for air. Ahhh, the courtship rituals of the American sailor.

For Mike Greaney Department: Rx Author: Mike Matthys Era: 1988 Date: 03/02/05 Ed Brady -- that is it! Thanks. From what I remembered, everyone seemed to really like him. I remember drinking beers with him in Toulon and thought he was just another blue shirt scumbag. Do you know why he got de-nuked? When did you leave Ike? We must have been there at the same time. I got to Ikeatraz in April of 1998.