"Are the hookers gone"? Department: Medical Author: J. Era: 1982 Date: 03/30/05 ..Say it ain't so; the hookers have left the area? Does anyone remember "Humpty Dumpty" in Naples? She was a hooker (at least 75 years old), and got her nickname because she used to sit on a small concrete wall with legs spread for all to see. Oh the memories!! She might still be sitting in that very same spot. J.

Current Woes Aboard the HOG Department: Rx Author: Noodle Era: 2005 Date: 03/30/05 Couldn't agree more with Peter about the current assessment of danger aboard IKE but back during the Persian Gulf stuff and later the Lybia and Lebanon stuff, it sure had my mom worried. She saved every Time, Newsweek, and newspaper article; and even took pictures of the TV during the nightly news when they had an IKE story. Some of the worry is about your loved ones worrying about you. Anyway, I think the biggest sacrifice was going without food--I was 6'3" and 200 pounds in-port (30% of my four years) and 6'2" and 180 pounds at sea (66% of my four years).

Call for Action (continued) Department: Rx Author: Noodle Era: 2005 Date: 03/30/05 If we really wanted to do something for these "kids" I would suggest writing our congressperson about having to wait in line for an hour just to have green hotdogs and rice--or better yet (since Congress is too busy saving a braindead woman in Florida and they don't have much time left)--getting some unfortunate soul's name and sending them cans of tuna or beef jerkey or we all know what would come in handy--maybe some Italian porno magazines we had left over from 20 years ago.

IKE Food Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1982 Date: 03/30/05 I don't remember green hotdogs - but I sure as hell remember: Cold hot dogs and cold mashed potatoes (That was the entire meal) Fried luncheon meats for breakfast - I'd never heard of frying bologna for breakfast??? maybe it's a southern "thing"? - Charlie? Meat that was so decayed that irridescent patches had started to form on the surface. Mess cranks who were too lazy to cut corned beef across the grain and instead chucked these unchewable chunks of pink leather on our trays. Milk machines stocked with rotten milk... even after the milk had gone bad - the mess cranks would continue to stock the milk machines for weeks... you could even walk past the machines and smell the stench. and the shittiest coffee I have ever had in my life

They don't have much to work with...in more ways than one Department: Rx Author: Tim Palange Era: 1983 Date: 03/30/05 When I was on the Carl Vinson the ship's paper ran a story one day about the galley. One of the khakis there said they had about 85 cents per man per meal to work with. They probably don't have a heck of a lot more now. Add to that equation a bunch of mess cranks with bad attitudes...good thing we were all young then and in relatively good shape; I sure wouldn't eat that crap now. When I was in, most of the cooks were Filipinos. On the ship I work on now, the entire galley is Filipinos. They do a GREAT job keeping us well fed, because the company gives them a lot more money for the entire food service operation. Yes Virginia, it is possible to go to sea for a living AND have a meaningful job AND make lots of money AND have good living conditions on the ship.

IKE "food" Department: Rx Author: Noodle Era: 1980 Date: 03/30/05 The hotdogs were only green in the middle so maybe you didn't notice, Peter. Of course, I remember the a_sholes that would take one of the stainless steel trays (that still had eggs on them) and going to the "salad bar" and then coming back in the seconds line. We would try to point this out to the Master at Arms but they would ignore us and let them eat so they could get back to sleep and we could get back to the bilges or watch and wait another 23 hours to wait another hour in line. I remember gettin sick off the Thanksgiving dinner one year and almost dying down on Charging Station watch. But my most fond memory is when we ran out of the real milk, then Daisy Milk from Singapore, and then even the powdered milk on the IO Cruise. One of the mess cranks even Scotch Brand Miracle Taped a cockroach from the powerdered milk on the dispensing machine to show that they had had to throw it away. No use crying over overboarded powdered milk (or aluminum chaff which is another story).

Mombo Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1982 Date: 03/30/05 If you look at the picture of the Piano bar in the RL Division photos page - look at the little orange car at the right. That is a Fiat 550. Very small - but still probably weighing many hundreds of pounds. We (myself, Mombo, Will, and others?) were out walking around Naples and passed by one of these little cars. Mombo bends down and lifted the entire back end several feet off the ground. The Italians loitering nearby just stared in slack jawed amazement. Mombo must have felt the need to amaze the Italians even further... so he dropped the car, pirouetted around away from them, hiked up a leg, and delivered a thunderous fart that I'm sure impressed them a hell of a lot more than the previous feat of strength. - I know it impressed the hell out of me!

More food stories Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1982 Date: 03/30/05 Most of you probably never noticed - but all along the food line there were all sorts of little carved food - the friggin mess cranks spent more time carving roses, peacocks, etc. out of carrots, radishes, etc. than they did cooking edible food for us. (Dan Reighard taught me this fun trick...) At chow, I would load up my tray with all of that bullshit so that I had more crap on my tray than food. Every once in a while, I'd get caught - and have to feign ignorance that I didn't realize we weren't supposed to be eating that shit. At the end of the meal it was very rewarding to have a tray loaded up with these silly carvings and take it back to dump it off... I can just picture how pissed a mess crank would be to walk by and see me chuck all of his precious carvings in to the shit can.

Explanation of the 404 page Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1982 Date: 03/31/05 Have you noticed that if you mistype a page at www.ikebites.com, you get a 404 "Not Found" page (try going to ftn.htm to see what I mean... If you click on the link on that page - you will get sent to GanjaUniversity.com - which is what this website used to be before I moved ikebites.com here. If you're bored - check out that website and print yourself a diploma and transcript! And... Brother Cal, I think we're missing one of your installments of your stories... I don't know what happened???

Ike Shipmates Department: Rx Author: Mike Matthys Era: 1988 Date: 03/31/05 I was just reading through the registry and saw a couple of names I recognized. Dan Holder, you probably don't remember me as I was a nub when you were getting out. However, you gave me your rack which was one of the primo racks in the back of Rx berthing. It pissed "Scoop" off that I had that rack. Chuck Jackson , "The Ragin' Cajun". What's up, Chuck? You hung out with pretty boy Bob and Stick. I still remember you guys in Majorca chasing those Swiss girls around. Regarding the phrase, "Dwight Bites" (mentioned by Joe Brown), I came up with using "Dwight" for Jim Funk -- who could not bring himself to say "Ike". (He felt that was a term of endearment. When I suggested he replace "Ike" with "Dwight", you would have thought I had just given him a million dollars. He was ecstatic. IB