"Tough S**T for a Lifer" Department: Medical Author: J. Era: 1982 Date: 01/22/05 Like every dept. we had our share of "Lifers". One day one of our senior lifers comes up from berthing to the medical dept., throws his boots at my feet and says, "well, there goes a brand new $100 pair of boots....ready for the trash". I asked him what happened, and he said that when he stuck his feet in them (first thing in the morning), he realized that someone had defecated into those nice boots. Well, although I didn't know at the time who was responsible for this, I later found out it was my best friend......wjat a laugh we had over that one for a very long time afterward. J.

More Shoe stories Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1982 Date: 01/22/05 I have another story like the following one... In a division (to remain nameless) there was a particular LPO who was not only a petty officer 1st class but a 1st class asshole as well. After getting dressed one morning, he slips his feet into his shoes and shatters the eggs that were hidden within. PO1 Asshole calls everyone out of their racks/lounge, lines them up, and demands to know who did it. There was a lot of silence until some wise acre pipes up, "maybe it was a chicken that laid the eggs in your shoes" PO1 was not amused.

"...and another one" Department: Medical Author: J. Era: 1982 Date: 01/23/05 The same lifer referred to in my earlier post happened to sleep in the rack below mine. Each and every morning he would go into the drawer under his mattress, light up a cigarette, and proceed to foul up the air in the very tight space. Well, he also happened to have asthma, and after smoking would take out his Afrin inhaler and take a hit on that thing. One day I snuck into his bunk and put black pepper in that inhaler. It was a pleasure waiting for him the next morning to take out that inhaler, take a huge hit, and then practically cough to death when that pepper hit his lungs. I can't recall ever again having to experience his nasty cigarete smoke first thing in the morning.... painful lesson, but sometimes it's the ony way to teach those Lifers. J.

"Another Lifer learns a painful lesson"l Department: Medical Author: J. Era: 1982 Date: 01/23/05 Here's another example of how I taught a Lifer a lesson.....I didn't realize just how spiteful I was (or needed to be) back then; what can I say---the lifers needed to be put in their place. The lifer who slept in the rack next to mine would go the for an entire 6 month cruise without changing his sheets. he was also a dirty dirtbag as well. One day I picked up everything on his rack...sheets, blanket, everything, and threw them overboard. He comes down to berthing and begins asking about the whereabouts of his sheets and blanket. He was pretty upset and we couldn't gigure out exactly why he was so distraught. It turns out the blanket was a family heirloom, and it was very precious to him. Again, another painful lesson for a lifer to have to learn but that's the way it was on Ike. No political correctness, no b.s. Screw with wrong person and you paid the price. J.

Nicknames Department: Rx Author: Dave Boone Era: 1980 Date: 01/23/05 Seems that everyone in Rx Dept got a "fitting" nickname. I was "dubbed" as BUBBA from Ray Scott (all Texans are named "Bubba, right?). We had MMCS Colpus (Egg with Legs), MM1 Freddy Shaw ("gnome"), but the best was MM1 Winger ("Naked Bob"). Seems that while underway in the IO, ORSE preps were taking a toll on everyone's perceptions. We were directed by BDB (we had a DivOff LT Bernard, and the Tech Assist (LDO) Ens Bernard - LDB) to get the plants "spotless" - hard to do in an Engineering Plant with diminished spirits and diminished manpower. Anyway, Bob rushes down to #1 RAR and starts stripping down to his "let's get dirty clothes" and seems the watchstanders thought he was going berserk - I guess he was really ripping at the buttons. Naked Bob seemed to fit, but I never heard who really gave him the nickname. More, later on the BDB/LDB leadership we had - including LT "Grody" Brody.

Brody Story Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1981 Date: 01/23/05 Bubba mentions Lt. Brody, below... It was Brody who introduced me to the concept of "Negative Incentive". Here's the scoop: Someone drew a Playboy Bunny on the inside of a periscope in the Rx Compartment. There was no way of finding who the perp was so to make sure the culprit was punished, Brody punished everyone who had been in the Rx compartment for the last week (extra duty). About 10-15 of us were punished, I was one. But even worse were a few guys in RT Div. who had only been on the ship a matter of days and had been given a tour of the RX Compartment during this week. No way in hell were they the guilty party... but they got punished none the less. It was also Brody's bright idea to put RM Div on 8 hr. work days during the IO (on top of our 4/8 watch rotation - which made for 16 hr. days if you had the 4-8 watch) Ignorant pricks like this and the Navy can't figure out why the reenlistment rate is so dismal. On the other hand, BDB, our DO, was a pretty decent guy.

T- Bear Department: Rx Author: Charlie Camp Era: 1983 Date: 01/26/05 Pete, I just read the story about T-Bear puking in his rack. In Athens in 83, he and I got on a ferry that broke down, so we had a beer or twelve until it got underway. I was TAD to Safety, so it didn't matter if I came back drunk (as if it mattered anyway), but T-Bear had the mid watch. When they tried to wake him, he deposited a turd on the floor and went back to sleep. Of course, he didn't get in trouble that time, unlike when Jr. McCune passed out between the feed pumps after a night out with the Noodle Gang. He also ruined a perfectly good matress that Pete Ryan had saved from the garbage dump by passing out and pissing all over it, but that's another story. Charlie Camp MM2,1, and 2 again 80-84

Commie rally Department: Rx Author: charlie Era: 1983 Date: 01/26/05 In 1983, the Noodle Gang was apprehended by the Shore Patrol for singing "God Bless America" at a Communist rally in Taranto, Italy. I remember being told we were creating an international incident, and besides, we weren't in uniform like we were supposed to be. We were saved by a well-decorated MM1 from those humorless bunch of windbags. Thanks, Pete.

Cheech and Chong and Lt. Brody Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1981 Date: 01/26/05 In RX berthing lounge we would view the same movies over and over. One such movie was a Cheech & Chong flick. In it there is a scene where Cheech is making crank calls over the radio. The dialog goes like this: Cheech: "Lard Ass, Lard Ass" Sgt.: "Do you know who this is?" Cheech: "No who is this is?" Sgt.: "This is Sgt. Stedenko!" Cheech: "Oh, Do you know who this is?" Sgt. : "No" Cheech "Bye Bye, Lard Ass" Anyway, one time, Lt. Brody called back to berthing to ask for someone. Whoever answered the phone gave a disrespectful answer. The phone conversation then played out much like the movie: Brody: "Do you know who this is? PO: "No" Brody: "This is Lt. Brody" PO: "Do you know who this is?" Brody: "No" PO: "Bye Bye, Lard Ass... " The lounge immediately cleared out and sure enough, within seconds, Brody was back there, fuming, trying to track the guy down. - Even though I can visualize the entire incident, I can't remember who the culprit was.

Depth Charges Department: Rx Author: Peter Era: 1982 Date: 01/26/05 Remeber the in-port morning musters held adjacent to the port, aft elevator? All would be normal when all of a sudden a group of sailors would break ranks, tears streaming down their faces from the hangover induced, depth charge someone had fired off. Instead of being humiliated or trying to disguise his crime, the low life bastard would proudly raise his hand to claim credit for the toxi-fart. Another fart story... we had a very tall middy on a cruise who had just woken up and was getting dressed. The guy in the top rack above him (named Pete and mentioned previously) had his ass hanging out of the curtains. Anyway, the middy's face was inches away from Pete's ass when a Tsunami sized explosion rumbled up from Pete's bowels. Poor guy... I know we were supposed to torment the middies... but this was definitely cruel and unusual (well, maybe not unusual..)